A year in review//Tori through 2018
As I sit in reflection in all of the things that 2018 has brought to me as we embark on the journey that 2019 is going to bring, this year has proven to have so many struggles for so many people and so many trials for the people closest to me and in my own life. It has been a year of abundant growth in so many ways. Personal, physical growth of family, spiritual and emotional. My heart has expanded in ways I didn’t think they would. I have grown as a person, a wife, a mother, a friend, sister, aunt, partner. It has been such a trying year this year, from the amazing growth of adding both Kamden and Watson to our family but also the scare that Caitlin had with her birth and surgery and the numerous scares we had during my pregnancy with Watson to learning that he is healthy and those weren’t anything to worry about. That Caitlin is healthy and everything is good to go for her. That Kamden is healthy. We are so blessed in these things.
Then we fast forward to when Cohen ended up sick and in the hospital. I can honestly say that was such a hard time in our family. It was trying as a mother for me to endure and be strong for him. It may seem like a minor thing, but it wasn’t. It was scary, it was a big deal. Especially when never having to deal with a child who is sick. It’s also so hard as a mom because I can’t even pinpoint it, it has to be instinct, some other level of motherhood that I haven’t really delved into, but he has always been the one I thought we would have something like this come up with. I’ve even mentioned this to Justin in the past, I just have a feeling. I remember when he was a baby thinking this. Something else there that not everything is always going to be ok with Cohen. So to land us in the hospital with a scared little boy not being able to breath, was terrifying. Then to have other things come up such as an overdose on medication that could have literally killed him. It was too much for me to process. It still is. I don’t know if that was my instinctual feeling of something that is wrong with Cohen, it might be something else. But I hope with everything that I am that that was it. That was my feeling. We are treating it and that’s as bad as it gets. I prayed more in those moments in the hospital then I have in my life I think. When you think something bad is going to happen to your kids, as a parent, it is the worst thing to have to deal.
Then to have to have my brother, my sisters husband, go through a tough surgery and to be praying for him and our family and not really know what was going on or the outcome. Then to know that, though the recovery is rough, he is going to be ok is such an awesome feeling. I am so thankful for them. They have always been apart of my life, he has always had such an adventurous spirit and way of him and I have always appreciated that about him. I am so glad they are getting pass this time in their lives.
It’s been such a year of change in my family-and of learning. To be apart of building houses with my parents has been a blessing. It’s been hard, but I am so blessed to have these two people in my life still to be able to teach me things like how to lay a foundation and how to build a deck or put siding up or all of the things that come with building a home. I remember it vividly as a child, when my dad helped build my brothers home and was out there every single chance he got to help build the life that they lived for so many years. They are SUCH A BLESSING, and I am so glad to have them here to teach us and show us still. My dad is 79 and my mother is 68 and they don’t even seem like it to me. How incredible is it to still be able to learn and grow with the two people who brought me into the world. My parents are one of the most selfless people I know, they will literally help any way that they can. They have helped my little family more then once and I know I fall short of them every single day, I hope to one day be able to repay them (even if they won’t let me) in any way they I can. It has been such a journey with them and I am SO THANKFUL to be apart of it.
Then to learn after all of this this year, literally THE DAY BEFORE, my brother in law, Justin’s brother, went into surgery for a massive brain tumor, which has been progressing badly the past year. Was literally terrifying and awful. It was SO HARD to see my husband in the state he was during that 16 hour surgery. To only have minimal contact with his dad during that time with no way to reach out to his brother was so hard. To learn that he is ok, that he made it through, that we prayed and hoped and waited and he was alive. Was a huge blessing to us. His brother lives 1000’s of miles away, but he has always treated me as a sister and family and I am forever grateful for him and so glad that he gets to see another day and be here. He has accomplished so many things in his life, he has a beautiful daughter, he is a very active person and works for Under Armor doing the thing he loves and running in the woods.He is inspiring to me to see him always go after his dreams and achieving the success that he has. He is fearless.
Caitlin and I have had a successful year in our business. We both have grown in our talents as well as our business itself. We have ironed out all the conflicts that happen when you start a business. We have become closer as business partner, as friends, as family. We got to work with awesome couples. We got to launch #Eeagivesthanks2018 and #Eeawinterblessings2018 and can’t wait for this to become an annual thing. It’s so fun to be raising our two littlest guys together. I can’t wait to see what 2019 brings us.
Then we are in the closing week of 2018-things have been so great to be able to spend time as a family with my husband during his Christmas closure at his job.
It’s been so nice to just be and connect and do fun things with the kids together and HAVE HELP during the mornings and the days.
But it has also had its challenges. Cohen ended up with a double ear infection over the weekend. We ended up in urgent care. My kids all had colds. I’ve had falling out on my husband side of the family. And that has probably hit me the hardest. To know how they think of me is pretty terrible. But I am just learning how to let go and let go of the manipulation, the toxic relationships, the complete and utter craziness that has been said. All I can do is love them from afar as best as I can (as one of my good friends put it) and hope that one day they will see the real me and love and accept me. Until then, I cannot allow them to control any aspect of my life. If they can’t bring peace, create more stress, can’t encourage or respect my life with Justin, I can’t allow them the control to ruin what has been built.
It’s been such a hard week. Month. Year.
I have learned so many things and people have truly shown who they really are. It’s been HARD. And it’s been SCARY. And FRUSTRATING. And so many things have felt SO BROKEN this year. But also, it’s been a huge success of a year. Caitlin and I BOTH had babies 3 months apart. My parents started the journey to building their tiny homes and I got to be apart of it.. We see who is truly genuine in our lives and who puts a front up. Our family has grown in all the ways. I am so thankful for another year in the books. But I’m also thankful for another year to start. 2018 has taught me about patience, about blind faith, about how praying is all we can do sometimes, it’s taught me to let go and move on, to grow and accept change, it’s brought me closer to some family members and further from others. It has taught me so much how to embrace who we have and what we have EVERY SINGLE MOMENT because it can literally all change in a minute. A blink. A second. Cherish the people in your life and never take them for granted.
Goodbye 2018, it’s been real. Hello 2019. May this past year taught us more and allowed us to grow enough to endure whatever else life throws our way in the coming year.