The very real feelings we have associated with #momguilt. Breaking the cycle.
Today I want to talk to you about….Mom life. Its a frequent topic here on EEA because it is what Caitlin and I do 99.9% of our days. We are 100% mothers most of the time and exhaustingly so. It is a season of life and its a season I am trying so hard to learn how to embrace and I am trying so hard to be in the moment with my kids and don’t let mom guilt get the best oIf me everyday because its real and it true. I yell too much. I don’t let my kids be as little as they can be. I reprimand too much. I have mom guilt over the fact that I should sit down and do school work with them because they aren’t in preschool because I dropped the ball on that. Its hard for me to not blame myself for something each day, mom guilt is so real everyday for ALL of us and I am trying so hard to break the cycle and not let it consume me. Because the fact is, it doesn’t make me a better mom, it doesn’t make you a better mom. Me feeling guilty over the things I did or didn’t do today DOESN’T make us better moms! What makes me a better mom is growing and learning from the things that happen in my day and just trying better the next day and giving myself a little bit of grace because I am doing the best that I can to raise these tiny humans to be well, and happy and friendly and kind and IT IS EXHAUSTING. Its an exhausting under taking as a mother.
I have 3 under 5 and its rough and I more then I like to admit I wish my days away, I wish for the weekend, or I wish I had more help or I wish they would get on to the next stage in life and I am trying to learn to embrace this time in life and this season instead of wishing away the days, the hours, the minutes. Counting down the time when they’re dad gets home so I can not be a mom for awhile. Its a hard thing to come to terms with, its a hard thing to master because how often as parents are we just so exhausted and so burnt out and so consumed as moms that we sit here and wish things away, or different or easier. Nap time? I hate it. I don’t like them. its a struggle, its frustrating, my middle child fights it and I am hard on him for it because I don’t know how to gracefully let him fight nap time or bed time. I have tried all the things, wearing them out, singing, talking, stories, baths. Nothing works, it takes me at least an hour to get him to calm down enough to get to bed. My oldest isn’t like that anymore, he is past this point and I find myself wishing he was past this point, Instead of embracing the fact that he wants to still snuggle, or how silly he is before bedtime and how funny and loopy he is during this time and I just need to embrace him and his quirks.
The other thing I struggle with is meal time, I struggle with liking meal time and making it fun and getting my kids to eat something other then what they want and not having to make 50,000 meals for each one of them. Its not what I want to do. Its not something ANY of us want to do. I struggle with…and I hate to admit this and I wish it wasn’t true about me, but in the name of transparency, I am a yeller. I don’t love that about myself or my parenting and its something I struggle to current on the daily, But I am. When I get frustrated and overwhelmed its what happens. I worry that I am scaring my kids for life, but I am sure there are parents out there that have yelled and their kids came out just fine. I try my hardest and my best not to and I try my best to do all the things with them on the daily and then their are some days that they get too much screen time and then that's that. I can only do so much and pour so much from my cup.
This is a season in life, this is something that won’t be happening in the future. Your kids are not always going to refuse bedtime and your going to have to struggle to get them up. Or this silly, or this snuggle or this goofy, I am trying my best to facilitate this kind and loving home that lets kids be kids, lets them voice who they are and their independence and I sometimes lose sight of the things that I am trying to accomplish with them because I get so burnt out. There are times when I just feel especially like this, these pass few months have been a particularly rough time for our little family. My kiddos got sick, Cohen, my middle, got asthma from it, we ended up in the hospital overnight and we are just now coming out of it and getting it under control and we get hit AGAIN with another sickness that smacks all three of them in the face. My youngest, Watson, it teething. Its been one of the most exhausting time for our family. I am exhausted, we’re all exhausted, We have other things in your lives making us exhausted. Its been rough.
BUT, here’s the silver lining. The point to this drawn out novella, the golden star of this post. Here’s the secret everyone…My kids, your kids, pretty much all kids. Guess what? THEY DON”T CARE! They don’t care how clean your house is or if you did the laundry that day. They don’t see that you need to sweep today, they just…If you ever just sit down with your kids and watch them and devote time into what they are doing and show an interest, you will see their faces just light up. They will have the best day, they will remember those times over the fact that you had a sink full of dishes. Its just not something you reflect on later in life and think “oh my mom never did the laundry” or “We always had dishes in the sink” because it just isn’t important to them. YOU are important to them. The time you spend with them is important to them THATS whats shaping them into kind and loving tiny humans. Also, I have that when you include them on things, they LOVE it, they LOVE doing the dishes and putting the laundry in the washing machine and helping cook dinner. They feel included, they are learning something, they are gaining life skills and its still accomplishing the things that you feel need to be done. Does it take more time? Yes. But who cares!
So, if you leave here with anything today from this blog post. EMBRACE your everyday, embrace those sweet kiddos. This is just a season in life. Its exhausting but it is filled with SO MUCH MORE then that. Its filled with so much love and so much laughter and so many snuggles around the neck, so many giggles and drolly kisses and these aren’t going to last forever and I think we have to embrace them. LET GO OF THE MOM GUILT. It doesn’t help anything or anyone. Everyone is trying their best to be the best that we just need to know they just need us. Inn whatever compacity that is, they just need and want us to be apart of their day and their lives. Mom guilt does nothing but makes us dwell in our failures instead of rejoicing in our strengths. Mom guilt takes away our days wishing for better ones or different ones instead of embracing the ones we already have. Give yourself some grace, let the things go you think you did wrong, fill your cup so you aren’t pouring into others from an empty one and go and give those kiddos a hug and sit on the floor and play with them, I know I am going to.
Want to go sword fighting and get involved with your littles without the mom guilt?! Here are some fun foam swords to try out together! Click the link below to get enough for the whole family!
Pictures of us getting our Christmas tree in Dec 2018.